This Is How We Get Here
How I met my boyfriend?
7 years ago, I joined my ex-company as Admin assistant in one of the many departments. And I met him through work, on my very first day. Yes. We worked in the same department.
How I feel?
I don't feel anything because I'm still closed door to relationship and all I want is to be ALONE. I do like guys still but just admire. Totally no confidence at all during that period of time.
What a person is he?
My first impression of him: Short (in height), look like a Malaysian but actually is a local born Singaporean, smoke and drink.
I'm single for 4 years before we get together.
His first impression of me: Blur like sotong, no dress sense, loud (as in voice because I like to shout in the office), direct person.
He's single for 6 years before we get together.
How did we get there?
I can't remember the details but after sometimes, he did asked me out on a Sat but I put 'aeroplane'. Since then, he stopped. We still see each other sometimes in the office as he is always on the move from site to site. Until a year plus or so, there was once a very long conversation over the phone during working hours. Yes. I abused the right of using my direct line to talk for an hour I think and prevented other from reaching me (my direct line was indeed a hotline for staff and clients). I remember talking about my 1st Bangkok trip (2006 or 2007 I can't remember) and he told me lots of stuff as he is kind of a regular to that place. I did asked him once if he wanna go IT show with me (purely as a friend) but he didn't want to (scare I put 'aeroplane' again and later on when we are in a relationship, he told me he regretted, haha...)
Till 2008, I'm not sure who has influenced me to open up the doors and encouraged me to pursue a new relationship, that is right in front of me. Heard he went Thailand during Chinese New Year (in Feb) and came back with lots of small little stuff for me. And thereafter we went out once to back then the Jurong Entertainment Centre one night. He insisted to send me home (bloody hell I don't want anyone to know where I live) that night. A month later, during a drinking session at a pub in Central Mall, we got together. His brothers came down all because they want see who is the woman who has captured his heart (*pat my shoulder proudly*). So all of a sudden, all of them gathered outside the pub. With mostly my colleagues (this is embarassing) and one by one telling me his goods and whatever, blah blah blah. Then had a talk with him and then that's it!
How is the initial period?
I still have a little resistance and not knowing how to trust a guy. Afterall, I have been single for many years since the last relationship that failed me big times that resulted to me shutting up on relationship.
So for the initial stage, it is indeed a hard time for him, at least for the first 1.5 years. He had a hard time convincing that he is not that sort of person (he knows what I'm talking about). We quarrel always. Near to a break-up. He tried salvaging. I tried my best to learn to trust. And then he gave up! He gave up explaining to me and then set his mind not to explain anymore and just play his part not to let me go bonkers over his whereabouts and so on. He really did everything just to let me be assured that he is not that sort of person. Yes he won! He won my trust. And that really takes 1.5 years for me to trust. Not easy. With all the quarrels, shouting over the phone, arguing in public (sometimes), all it takes to ease all these is love.
After 1.5 years?
He will always tell me his whereabouts after work. He will always asked me first when his friends asked him to go club or spa. Once awhile, I'm okay. Considered that he needs his freedom (Yes I'm a control freak back then but now loosen up a little already). Slowly, I gave in bit by bit. And he is responsible enough as a boyfriend to show me that he is trustworthy. So for the first time in 2012, I let him go spa with his friends (go for free, why not?) and then a short trip with his friends to Macau (for free why not?). He brought back nice stuff for me. Then subsequently, I just let him go spa with his friends (since is free) but once awhile, not always because those spas he went a little sleazy, unlike for female spa. Then sometimes after work, he went to look for his friends for a drink/coffee. And more recently this month, he just went for another trip with his friends to Shanghai (for free why not?).
For these 5 years and 8 months, I learnt to trust and he is comfortable with it. At least he doesn't hide things from me (although sometimes he will think twice telling me some stuff due to my over-reaction, sometimes too). He knows me inside out already and knows the best method to handle me. So do I (fair enough).
What impressed him?
My determination to slim down finally in 2011 (when I was 30 years old) after much push from him (and I'm the one who asked him to push me in slimming down). I started back running with him on weekends and I run on my own during weekdays. We swim too. He is quite supportive in this area. Oh by the way, he likes exercises and sports which is obvious from his big chest (he is not fat which some friends of mine thot he is).
He bought clothes for me once awhile when there is sales and straight bought Small size as he thinks I can fit in (yes I used to be a M and now actually can fit a S size surprisingly due to smaller boobs). Sometimes, XS (wtf is he thinking). All these is an encouragement from him. He doesn't see me as think as a monkey, I'm just the right size to him (there's still unwanted fats on my thighs). He proudly tells his friends how I slim down or whatever.
Another one will be studying part time while working full time. I guess he thinks that not many can do it because it is tedious (indeed). I studied 4 years part time for my diploma in Singapore Polytechnic and just finished my examination for my 2 years part-time degree program (I'm done and graduated when results are out on 28 Nov 2013).
Lastly, my 小聪明. He was taught by me lots of trivial stuff like using internet banking, replying emails, shortcuts when using Word or Excel and so on.
What impressed me about him?
His seriousness at work. Yes superb serious when he is fixing an equipment. I see it myself. And his good memory (deteriorate a little now due to his age, hahaha) in remembering appointments with clients without noting it down on papers or organiser.
Superb lazy person who likes to stay at home (although at times he complain that he wanna go club). A home-person is what I like. Won't want to go out for nothing and instead is me who has a pair of itchy legs.
He can cook. He whipped up lots of food for me with limited ingredients. Won't go hungry for life.
Knowledgeable person. He knows lots of things through watching documentary or movies. For these, I turned to a stupid ass because of my lack of knowledge in some things.
He is not ambitious, unlike me (superb ambitious). He is contented at the moment (I guess) and won't asked for more.
What is the changes?
Not much in me except that I learnt to trust. And for him, he learnt to scrimp and save. Superb stingy. But not stingy with me of course. I taught him that and I succeed.
Yes. Our new flat is coming soon next year (2014) and so we are getting married next year too. He has been saving damn hard, while ensuring that I'm well taken care of by him. Manage to take from him a small sum of money for savings on my side for 5 years already.
Well... Ups and downs in relationship are unavoidable. What is more important is how you handle such ups and downs and grow from there. To be better of course.
In a relationship, it is about two persons, not just one. Have to put ourselves in each other shoes, and not just selfishly think for own-self. Same goes to marriage.
There can be many reasons behind each failure relationship. If there is examples around for you to see and learnt from others' mistakes, do it.
For me, I got so much of examples in front of me to learn (because I'm the last to get marry among my friends). Count myself lucky. Afterall, I'm not young anymore, so is he. We can't be in those puppy love or whatever. For us, is serious business. Because it concerns our future.
I'm happily with this husband-to-be right now and looking forward to the stage with him real soon.