Filial Piety 孝道

According to Confucius' philosophy about filial piety, it is a virtue of respect to one's parents and elderly. You give your parents and also other elderly members of the family with due respect, care and be obedient. Did you peeps out there doing it already?

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I believe many of us are on this path (孝道). It can be identified through the engagement between children and parents. Examples like going out for meals, outings to places of interest, hanging out with grandchildren, bringing the folks for holidays out of Singapore and many more. 

Now that I'm married, I realized that my care for my parents are even more than before married. Why is this so? I couldn't understand too but then I told myself that it is never too late to start and I'm glad I did and won't live with regrets. Not that I'm not filial to them before that. But this post will record down what I have realized and did before and after. But here is an analysis of myself before married:
  • Always stay over at my then-boyfriend house from Fri to Sun;
  • Never really like to pick up calls when my mum called from Fri to Sun (but I do pick up sometimes);
  • Never help out with laundry and house-chores and only did when asked to or when the urge of doing it comes;
Okay. I realized I'm really very bitch and I'm very sorry for being such a bad daughter. But then I'm not too extreme bad. Sometimes when my then-boyfriend needs to work, I just stay at my own house and went for outing with my parents. 1 brownie point. I do pick up their calls even though sure get nag or sometimes ask me to buy bread home. 1 brownie point. Sometimes when the urge comes, I will wash my own clothes to off load my mum and wash the dishes, cook rice, run errand (always though sometimes a bit unwilling but still make effort to get it done), clean up kitchen after she cooks, pack the house and so on. 1 more brownie point. Yes... my explanation to the analysis and please forgive me everyone, plus God. I tell myself the 3 brownie points I will make fullest effort to earn it fully and not just giving it to myself for fun.

Seriously, after I'm married I will automatically call back home to talk to them and find out whatever is going on back at home. And I'm more able now to do my own laundry and house-chores (no choice) and this is karma. Last time never help out at home so now I get the taste of tiredness of doing all the stuff. But now used to it after a year into marriage and doing it like a breeze.

Not just that, because my dad was hospitalized every now and then in 2014 so it actually brings the bond closer with me every lunch time without fail go visit and chit chat with him. I thank God that everything is good now.

Also, I'm not stingy anymore. When it comes to spending for my family, I will never hesitate at all and buy whatever they need, be it food or appliances or whatever. Not that I'm stingy towards them before that because I will buy nice food back home for them. This mum of mine like to return money when I buy stuff back from last time till now. Annoying. Never let me have a chance to treat them or be a filial daughter. She meant good as she wants me to save up more money. Now I resort to stuffing back the money into her purse without her knowing or giving her more when I give her money monthly when I get my salary.

Now I fix a time to go back my house for dinner with them. My pay day. And then sometimes because my dad goes for follow-up checkup at hospital, they will call me and meet me for lunch even if it is just for an hour or two. I think this is enough for them. I mean from their point of view. Other than pay day, I will also go home anytime I want. 

Many a times I return home to help my mum clean up the house and pack or throw some stuff. I feel is my duty to do so. Whatever and whenever they need me, I will not hesitate to be there. 

My wish now is to go for family holiday with them every year at least once. A paid trip by me. Also when they wanna go for a day trip to JB. Now waiting for them to get their new passport before we go for the first after my dad recovered for that illness. Damn that coughing! It causes a long nightmare to him since August 2013. I must really thank God that it wasn't cancer. THANK YOU GOD! I will from now go half day vegetarian every Monday  once a week which I have started this week. Giving thanks for all the miracles.
Everything is good now and after my brother's wedding in June this year, they shall be in my full responsibility because I come to realize that some guys tend to side the gals more after marriage and gals tend to side their own family more than the guy's family after marriage. Do you agree or not? Because I realize that myself as a good example. And my husband's sister too. The only thing that I fail to do is to stay near them. I think if I were to shift house again, I will go all the way to Jurong. Back to the arms of my homies. I also realize that I did not care much of his family. But that is his part to do and for me, I will just follow him back his house for dinner once awhile. And I handle my family stuff myself without asking him for money or whatever, except some help which is more like labour job (carry or throw heavy big stuff). Anyway, that feeling is like telepathy. The telepathy between us and our parents. Or mutual is a better word. I don't know how to describe that feeling. 

I don't consider I miss them because we are in Singapore and not living far aboard. Anytime we can go back to visit them with the convenience of our public transport (though it screws big time when faulty esp train). Or like I say, we are just a phone call away. Again, what matters most is the heart counts. No wonder they say having daughters is a blessing because they are more close to heart. Haha... sorry guys. Sometimes you just have to agree on that. But depends on individuals. Esp the upbringing. Agree much. Parents are our first teacher since the day we were born before we go pre-school, nursery and etc. A lot of factors can affect what a person we will be in future. 

Anyway, this post is not to brag about how filial piety I am to them but to tell myself that I must cherish the present before I lose them. 我们永远还不完他们对我们的爱与付出. We will never be able to return them the love and sacrifice that they have given to us. Never. So what must we do? 

Don't argue with them. When you think what they say is not right, sit down and think why they say and want to do that. They must have their own reasons because of their experiences. Probably come out with a solution which strikes a balance between their wish and yours. Peace and harmony. Their ways may be conservative or traditional but then sometimes, not all things can be done or solved with more advanced and modern ways. 

Remember, they survived through the age of manual work and not Internet or Google or 3G 4G technology. They are the ones who really can survive through hardships.

You may not agree with me on this post but DO YOU THINK I CARE? We have different ways of caring for our parents so don't judge on others. The main point is to be filial to our parents when they are around. They give us our name and a life to see this world. 

They are the ones who will never leave their kids in the lurch when time of crisis. 


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